A Thought

If I were supported in a decision...

Would I still wonder if I am doing the right thing?

Just a thought...

It's ON

LIKE DONKEY KONG!!!!!...oh yeah, i did :)

I have been in such a slump. I have been sick, physically with what turned out to be a whole upper respiratory funk. I'v been depressed and discouraged about being 5 pounds heavier today than when I started my journey Dec. 9th. If you read my previous blog post.. and read my moms comment (i did, thank you mother dearest) then you would know that something has been up with me. Mom knew that my spirits were low and she could hear it even through my written words.. that's why God gave us all mothers, wether by birth or the woman in your life that loves you just because of who you are and for no other reason. I believe we all have that person in our lives. We should all tell them thank you today.. for keeping us grounded and reminding us of our worth and our strength when we have forgotten. Thank you Mama :) I love you!

Now, back to it being ON!
My husband has offered to take me to the gym and wear me out tomorrow. He wants to be my personal trainer and and push me to my limits. He warned me that he wouldn't be easy on me and that I couldn't get mad. I reminded him that I'm not that girl. im not the one who whines in the gym or when it hurts.. Im just not her. now if you hurt my feelings.. that's another story! If anyone says or even hints to the idea that I have too much food on my plate or anything of the nature.. I'm hurt but worse than that I'm MAD! When I get mad people it's not pretty.. and let me clarify.. I don't get mad at the person who has offended me... I get mad at myself.. because I KNOW THEY ARE RIGHT! & the truth HURTS! SO now that I have made this self discovery.. what am I gonna do about it? The only way to find out how big or small a self discovery really is, is to test it out.

SO here's the problem...
I have to find a way to stop making food the center of my universe the center point of entertainment. and for goodness sakes stay focused!!!!

here's the strategy...
I have to make food boring. food=fuel ONLY for at least 6 weeks, that is until March 8th!

Here's the NEW menu:
Breakfast- 1 cup bran cereal with or without banana and 1/2 cup of reduced fat milk. OR (1-2) Fiber One pop tarts, OR (1)Breakfast Bar (not Shoney's, the healthy kind in a wrapper)
Lunch- Ham or turkey sandwhich wheat bread, 1 slice of cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickle and just a dab of mayo. the sandwhich can be substituted for grilled/baked fish or chicken. my side dish will be either steamed veggies or a fresh salad with lowfat dressing.
Dinner: Grilled/Baked fish or chicken with steamed veggies.

**ALL items on the menu are interchangeable** but may not be eaten all at once :)
all beverages will be either water, diet soda, with occasional coffee/ low cal sweeteners only.
I will only allow myself one snack in the evening before or after dinner it must be less than 150 cals (popcicle, pudding, popcorn) **Sunday's are the exception for traditional Breakfast and Lunch, DInner time will go back to "the menu"

WE will not eat dinner while watching TV. We will eat together and talk together.
I will learn what it means that "man does not live off of bread alone, but every word from the Father" matt 4.

I thank God that He keeps showing me the things that I need to be shown.. & I thank God for YOU

love. love. love!

Freakin!

Okay, so I have not yet shared any of my weight loss goals with you. I think that could be because (even though I have invited you on this journey with me) I still feel afraid.. of failure.. & this guy..

if you have read any of my blogs that followed Dec 9th you would know that failing and being a disappointment are among my BIGGEST fears!
It is getting DANGEROUSLY close to my 30th birthday. that is NOT the problem.. surprisingly.
I have a MUCH bigger problem. My FIRST goal that I had set was to lose 30lbs by my 30th birthday which is now 11 weeks away, translating to a NEEDED 3lbs weight loss every week until my Birthday. The even bigger problem is that I feel hopeless. I feel like I just can't do it anymore. I used to believe in myself and now there is so much doubt. It's sad, I know. sorry to be such a Deborah

but I really need some help and I don't know how to find it anymore. Of course I pray.. I am praying everyday.. but I feel like God is getting sick of me.. and I feel like I am waiting on him to hit me with some kind of abra chadabrah magical weight shedding stick.. that is not going to happen either.

I have sent a partial application (email) to the Biggest Loser people. Pray that the right people read it and have mercy.. that GOD & the Biggest Loser will work together for the good... of me.

thanks.

love love love!

PIG FLU?

MAYBE they do?! H1N1? not likely..
however, this may very well be the cutest pig I have ever seen! I want one.(seriously, since i was like 3yrs old)

but I do NOT wish to be sick any longer.. And I have just received word that my prince is on his way now to rescue me from afar (Dallas, Tx) so I am THRILLED & patiently waiting his arrival..


okay, so I am feeling theatrical, & a bit dramatic & very, very ill so I think I will be off to bed..

so, I will look more like this when he gets here.. aaaand every bit as precious, thank you very much ;)

sweet dreams,



love. love. love!

1-14-10

I have been SICK! I have some kind of Epizutti Virus.. don't look it up, I just made it up.. but it is real, believe that!
I have a stuffed up nose, that drips on the constant.. my throat tickles and itches like the the very air i breathe is filled with those little floating seedlette thingys from the white puffy blow flowers. I know and understand that I am making no sense to you, I tried to tell my husband (note the lack of adjectives) that I was in no shape whatsoever to writting a blog on public internet, but he says "accountability honey.. remember that is what you wanted" ... he is only saying that because today I have eaten terrible things.. yesterday i was also sick but didn't eat terrible things and I had no lecture then?! okay so, seriously.. today i behaved badly. the caf' was serving carnival food.. I I fell for it hook, line and sinker! But I Am sick.. and I HAD to go to class.. so I felt in some strange way that I deserved to be at a "real" carnival.. since after all the medicine I have been on for the past 48 hours has made me feel like I just stepped off this ride..

yeah, I know.. the swings are my favorite too.. that's why I don't mind the medicine too much ;) jk.
it's time for some confession.. be gentle

today's menu :
Breakfast I had cereal nothing fancy, just chocolate frosted mini wheats 260 cals, Lunch I splurged for the "best caf' carnival option.. a corndog 250 cals, and pizza (peperoni) 420 and salad 200.
for dinner I ate tilapia 130 with pasta sides "garlic shells" 330 , mashed potatoes 140, corn 70, blueberry muffin 120
snack (as if i needed one huh?!) choc chip muffin 120 cal with frozen yogurt 150

GRAND TOTAL=2,190 calories
- 600 for one hour of Zumba (i figured if I could eat that much while I was ill, I had no excuse!)

Had to BOOMBA!!! :)

I'm gonna pray I do ALLOT better tomorrow...

love. love. love!!!

1-12-10

I took my first tues/thurs classes today. Bible (the book of Acts), Counseling for Ministers, Com I, and I enjoyed all three. I think this semester is going to be allllright :) I am going to be writing quite a good bit.. which im sure surprises you to hear that I am not too terribly bothered by the idea. I feel better this time around than i did last semester.. i attribute that to my family. I think going home over Christmas and getting to spend so much quality time with them really helped me in allot of ways. I feel more like me.. if that makes any sense? Now if I can just make it for three and half more years?! But who am i kidding.. God only knows where He is sending us next! Today I have thought allot about my upcoming "talk" that I will be presenting to the "Ready to Speak" Chapel on Feb 2nd. My dear sweet entirely supportive husband encouraged me to speak up and not give up .. as I was telling him that I was already beginning to get nervous about talking in front of so many people ( i understand that some of my close family members reading this are in shock) I wanted to let someone on the "waiting list" take my place. He encouraged by helping me strategize my plan of attack.. "Go with what ya know" he said. He reminded me of one of my favorite verses and one that is a foundation to his and my relationship.. Proverbs 4:23 "guard your heart, for from it flows the wellspring of life". He is right this is one that I have tried with all my might to practice over the past 3 or so years. So I may refrence this verse over the next couple weeks here and there.. bare with me :)

today's caloric intake was 1,336 minus 600 for doing 1 hour of Zumba today (in spite of my soar throat and aching head.. i guess neither have much to do with the backside :)


love. love. love!

1-11-10

I know that satan is trying to work on me somehow, somewhere.. in some area.. i know for sure he's been tempting the HECK outta me with food.. and im about sick of IT! I feel like something BIG is about to happen.. idk if it has to do with me, with you or some stranger out there in the world that has absolutely nothing to do with my immediate reality but still could somehow alter my future present reality in a very real way. get me???
I do know this.. I have recently gotten the feeling that satan has been sleeping a little easier at night because of me... things are about to CHANGE! I'm gearing up, getting my guard on! I'm just sick of life having it's way with me! Throwing any ol' curve ball it wants to right at my head.. and it knows what kind of swing i'm gonna take.. half hearted.. half throttle. I don't know when it happened.. when I got so lazy.. took my eye off the ball. You would think i would of learned my lesson the last time that happened.. im still sporting the knot on my nose to prove it.

It's time to PLAY some BALL! JUST SLANG IT BABY!


oh yeah, today I had a total of 1,915 calories.. i am too tired to make the list, unless you just insist to know.. i can post it tomorrow..

love love love!!!